it's too hot to live

this week has been absolutely crazy in temperature. can't function, can't do anything till dark. getting nauseous, sick, dizzy, just miserable. the one day i thought it was because i had not eaten, when i ate omg wow what a mess. next day i decided well if i eat a bit early on for the day to have at least something in me, nope, minute i step outside or do a little something omg ugh. it sucks. for a week now i've had a messed up knee, it's like below the knee on the inside, hurts so bad can barely walk. i've not been able to run or walk for a week... which is probably a good thing i'd be dead in this heat but anyway on my last run of a mile and a half in 10 minutes i felt not a thing, on my walk home from the college track i was fine and walking pretty fast too, it's when i got to the cross walk across from my apartment when i stepped down to job across the street i was like whoa i broke my knee holy cow. it brings me to tears still. every "doctor" friend i have thinks they know what it is and well the solutions are not working and it gets worse. i have no health insurance so we'll see how much longer i can take this before i go making myself another darn bill to stress myself out. i'm really upset though i was walking 12 mile walks and running everyday, feeling great health wise and it clears a lot mentally and hey if i lose weight or tone things up even better. just happened at the wrong time. was so needing this. been betrayed beyond belief and it just does not go away. always forgave never forgot but this time i think neither can happen. i owe no one nothing and they are not deserving and i rather not deal with it in that sense. "HEY GOD!!! THEY'RE ALL YOURS!" i've picked it apart, asked all the questions i could, got the details and beyond. my crazy mind will make it so i torture myself beyond repair so that i could fully evaluate and get the best out of it all but i do not think there is any healing from this one. well i guess i should stop rambling and get ready for work but just a last note on that since the time frame makes me think of back home in the summer it was only ever hot mid day. it wouls start warming up at 10am and start cooling down at 4 pm and if you had gotten some sun during the day well you were gonna get the chills when the wind and shade came along after 6 pm. here i am like wow it's the same temperature at 6am at 8pm, midnight walk holy cow :) wow. so yeah i guess i do not need 3 outfits a day here... unless i sweat like a whore in church ;)  anyway i suppose that's enough. some cute little kids await me. have a great fantastic friday ♥